Starting school is a milestone filled with excitement, nerves, and big transitions—for both children and their parents. But what happens when your child just doesn’t seem to settle in? Maybe they come home exhausted, act out in new ways, or struggle to follow simple routines. You might start to wonder: Is this just a normal adjustment… or is something more going on?

Sometimes, the structure and demands of school bring hidden challenges to light, especially when a child has undiagnosed ADHD. This guide will help you spot early red flags, understand the role of gender in diagnosis, and take confident steps toward support.

Why School Often Exposes ADHD Symptoms

Preschool and home life are often more flexible, with plenty of movement, one-on-one attention, and open-ended play. But school introduces a very different environment:

• Sitting still for long periods

• Listening in group settings

• Following multi-step instructions

• Navigating social rules

For children with ADHD, especially those whose symptoms have gone under the radar, these demands can quickly overwhelm their developing nervous systems.

Some kids may lash out or melt down. Others might zone out, become clingy, or start avoiding tasks altogether. It’s not defiance—it’s dysregulation.

Red Flags to Watch for in Early Primary School

Every child has off days, but persistent patterns can signal a deeper issue. Keep an eye out for these common signs of ADHD in young school-aged children:

• Difficulty following instructions (even simple or repeated ones)

• Trouble sitting still during class, assemblies, or storytime

• Impulsive behaviours, such as blurting out answers, interrupting, or acting without thinking

• Frequent daydreaming or zoning out during lessons

• Poor emotional regulation – meltdowns, frustration, or mood swings

• Disorganisation – constantly losing things, forgetting tasks

• Social challenges, like trouble taking turns, reading cues, or forming friendships

• After-school meltdowns or extreme tiredness once home

Remember: ADHD isn’t just hyperactivity. Inattentive and combined types often go unnoticed, especially in children who are well-behaved but mentally checked out.

How Gender Shapes ADHD Recognition

Unfortunately, traditional ideas about how ADHD “looks” can delay diagnosis—especially for girls.

Boys are more likely to show overt hyperactivity or disruptive behaviour, which tends to raise flags earlier. However, these behaviours are sometimes written off as “typical boy energy” or blamed on poor parenting.

Girls, on the other hand, often present as daydreamy, anxious, or emotionally sensitive. Because they’re less likely to be disruptive, their symptoms may be mistaken for shyness, immaturity, or moodiness – and teachers may not raise concerns.

This diagnostic gap means many girls (and quieter boys) are missed entirely or only diagnosed years later, often after anxiety or low self-esteem takes root.

What to Do if You Suspect ADHD

If you’re noticing signs that concern you, here are some practical steps to take:

1. Document patterns

Keep a simple log of behaviours – when they happen, what triggered them, and what helps. Note differences between home and school environments.

2. Talk to your child’s teacher

Teachers spend hours a day observing your child’s learning and social behaviours. Ask open-ended questions like:

• “What are you noticing about their focus or behaviour?”

• “Are there any patterns that seem concerning?”

You might find that the teacher has been seeing similar things – or they might need your input to notice them.

3. Visit your GP or paediatrician

Bring your observations and ask for a referral for a formal assessment. This could involve a psychologist, developmental paediatrician, or other ADHD-informed professional.

4. Understand the difference between classroom support and clinical diagnosis

Some schools may offer behavioural strategies without a diagnosis. While this is helpful, a formal assessment can open doors to funding, therapy, or medication – if needed.

Supporting Your Child While You Wait

Waiting for an assessment or navigating the system can feel frustrating. In the meantime, there are ways to support your child and reduce stress for everyone involved.

• Create predictable routines at home with visual charts or simple steps.

• Break tasks into chunks—one instruction at a time.

• Focus on co-regulation, not punishment. Help your child feel safe and understood when they’re overwhelmed.

• Celebrate strengths like creativity, kindness, or enthusiasm—even if school is hard right now.

And most importantly: let them know you see them. Say things like:

I know it’s been hard. We’re going to figure this out together.

If your child is struggling at school and your gut tells you something’s off—you’re probably right. ADHD can be tricky to spot in young children, especially when gender expectations or quiet coping mechanisms mask the signs.

But early support can make a world of difference. When kids understand their brains and get the help they need, their confidence grows—and school can become a place where they thrive, not just survive.

You don’t have to wait for things to get worse. You can take the first step now.